Do I love or loathe my body?

I suppose I should love my body. It gave birth to my three gorgeous children . But like the majority of women I can honestly say I do loathe my body.

I hate the way it looks clothed and unclothed. Nothing can hide the distaste I feel when I look in the mirror and see what I have done to myself. I hide it with big. baggy, shapeless clothes to distingish the fact I am 5 stone overweight.

I have never been happy with myself. Even when I was younger, and slimmer, and wearing clothes that were in single digit sizes,  I did not feel like one of those people who were happy in their own skin. I have always felt insecure about the way I look, even more so now that the weight piled on.

We have hardly any photos of me anywhere at home as I delete them or bin them. My favourite photograph I think Mark has somewhere hidden so I don’t bin it. My ex-fiance took it on a trip to Blackpool, I was 16 or 17 and had a skinny pair of jeans, a size small Guns N’Roses t-shirt, pair of black leather cowboy boots on and looking at it doesn’t make me think fondly of my ex. I could say I was reasonably happy with the photo only.It was took from a distance so you can’t really see my face much, which is also a plus side.

I do like my wedding photos as I look happy even though I do look overweight. I think the happiness I felt on the day to finally after 13 years become legally Mark’s wife outweighs the disgust I feel looking at me. I must admit I hated being the centre of attention that getting married caused. But it was well worth it.

Maybe if I felt like I loved my body (and myself for that matter), I would find it easier to lose the weight.  Maybe I need to think how my negative thoughts about myself  alter my eating habits.

I should be proud of my body, It carried my babies for me, I know it let me down when I had the miscarriages, but I should concentrate on the positives.

Is there anything I do like about my body? Well I quite like the mole on my tummy!


About julieledwards

I am a very busy mum of three. I work full time and finding time for me is always hard. I am going to be blogging about general life issues.
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